Vincent Dooly

Kyle Johnson showed us Vincent Dooly to the professor and i about 10 minutes ago and we felt it should be posted on the blog right away because of the laughter it brought us.

The Macelet

Explaining Obama

These people can explain what I have been trying to tell you all for the past year.

Finally a decent McCain song/video

Ill be honest, most campaign songs for either candidate suck. This one however, is truly inspiring. First of all, the woman on the left is partially invisible throughout most of the video since she wore a green sweater in front of a green screen. I'm sure this is some kind of brilliant artistic commentary on the environment but I haven't figured the whole thing out just yet. It's a bit over my head but ill sleep on it and see what I come up with. Then, at 1:45 there is some of the best harmonizing i've heard since the last time I sang someone "Happy Birthday." Political points? check. Artistry? Check. Musical talent? CHECK.

The best part though comes when these artists take the weak rain metaphor (seeing as rain is falling like McCain's poll numbers..) and make it work with the animation of raining McCain bodies at 1:50, complete with one of the singers washing her face with John McCains. (I apologize, but I can't resist making a "Don't let McCain fall or he'll break his hip! Because he's old!" joke here) This is one metaphor I can understand: McCain rhymes with rain! Boom. Deep.

Like anyone trying to make a good political point, they save their strongest argument for the end.. Concluding with a powerful line like "Im gonna go out, and let myself get, absolutely John McCain! John McCain!" is simply a masterstroke. I have to say I have been motivated and inspired by these ladies a thousand times more than any Obama video. take this one for instance:



BORING!

Vote John McCain because his name sounds like rain. Honestly, that's the best reason I have heard so far.

So, Um... Oklahoma seceded from the U.S.

This seems pretty retarded to me, but ultra conservatives are creaming jeans over it because the federal government has "completely failed states like Texas and Oklahoma by not securing our borders, taking too much in taxes, failing to protecting us from terrorist threats, " so "it's about time somebody stepped up. Let the revolution begin!"

If you think about it though, using thinly veiled racism as a reason for secession is a whole lot better than you know, blatant racism, so bravo Oklahomo, bravo for your touch of class.

Other news: As B lee and my dad told me, Dr. Brian Orr himself was mentioned in This week's TIME magazine regarding this little thing. This birth control controversy is getting way out of hand. As great as it is to see my last name getting some much-deserved attention in magazines, people are now just jumping on the sensationalist bandwagon and not focusing on the issues anymore. That TIME piece talks about how the school's principal knows the girls had a "pact" to get pregnant... While this may be true for a few, I think that this is obviously some bullshit PR excuse to convolute things.

Now that I think about it though, I remember how in our high school glory days, most girls desperately wanted to get "preggers," and this is why nobody used birth control and the entire school responded with a collective high five when a girl came in, proudly waving around her positive test for all to admire (man, pregnancy days were the best days!). I guess that means I agree that no one would take birth control if the clinic offered it since highschool girls all want to be little pregnant sluts mothers. Thanks mr. principal!

One last thing: this is completely off my rant's topic, but oddly awesome

hands down worst commercial ever

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT???

"It's okay to be yourself, It's okay to be yourself, Because you are you
It's okay to be yourself. It's okay to release your powerful power because it feels good"

fuck. that.

you all know that i hate commercials in general, so esurance commercials really make me angry. I am honestly amazed that the company made that commercial. it was someone's job to write that song and make that video. this means that someone must have watched that about 40 times editing it, plus all the time they must have spent picking out clips from other commercials for that bullshit "how awesomely rad are we for making so many commercials about erin esurance? super duper awesome right dude bro?" picture book (that's how i assume the 40 year old people who study young people so they can then make commercials for esurance to 'appeal' to us sound like). i'm envisioning a clockwork-orange robot chicken scenario here, because there is no way someone could possibly watch that many esurance commercials or even just that one more than 10 times without going batshit insane (maybe that explains things).

this commercial made me angry enough for a double rant. for more ranting on this topic and in case anyone hasn't seen this group i made a while back check it out:
i fucking hate esurance commercials

enough people hate these commercials that I do not know most of the people on there.

My Dad is All Up In The News' Shit

So as some of you have noticed, my dad has been all over the news over the last few days because of a "controversy" in which my pediatrician padre resigned from his post as director of gloucester high's medical clinic after the local hospital refused to administer birth control for the clinic to distribute. basically, the high school has had 17 (!!!) pregnancies in one year and the other safe sex programs are not working, so my father wanted to distribute birth control from the school's clinic to help. After a bunch of bureaucratic bullshit, the hospital refused to provide supplies for this program. This was the first time in history that a hospital refused to offer birth control for a school clinic, and the situation is so rediculous that my father and his nurse practitioner resigned in protest. Many suspect that this refusal is because of the overly conservative/religious/illogical hospital director's personal agenda because she does not believe that birth control is morally right so has decided to take the lives of thousands of female students into her own corrupt hands. As a cover, the hospital claims that they do not support the program because birth control is a "health risk", but this health risk has not been a serious issue for teens for many years (it still is for older women) and as many of our healthy readers can attribute this is an outdated and over-exaggerated reason that is a facade for other motives. now the newsmedia is all up in my dad's shit(although Dr. Brian Orr did spurn The Today Show (!) because they tried to trick him into debating some regularly appearing conservative talking head by telling him last minute that there would be a debate not just a presenting of the facts), doing their part to ensure that enough people know just the right amount about the topic to debate it based on their preconceived mindsets without actually caring to learn the facts Either way, here are some clips/newsreports about my dad sounding smart:

NECN

Boston Herald

WBZ TV

the argument presented here (Conservative bullshit) and on many other conservative outlets absolutely enrages me (check my post on the person above's blog to see my beautiful rebuttal to the person's ignorant rant). people do not understand that it is against Massachusetts state law for a doctor to tell parents that their daughter is asking for birth control if she has asked for confidentiality. conservatives threaten that they would kill a doctor who gave their daughter contraceptives without their permission (quote from blog responses to the story), but it is not the doctors' decision to do so, as they could be put in jail if they told parents. the warping of the issue is so obvious here, as the discussion is not about giving the contraceptives, but about stopping the pregnancies. It is retarded that people who do not research or investigate the truth at all think they have the right to criticize doctors simply based on bullshit conservative vs. liberal biases for following the law and not telling parents when it is the legal thing to do.

also, the media is disgusting and have been hounding out house, calling a few times a day. My dad resigned an within a day the media ticks were on our nuts, and at first it was good, since local media tends to be more concerned with the story and help get the issue out to many people, but soon organizations that obviously didnt care for shit but ratings started calling seeing if they could rip off a hunk of meat from the latest cash cow. here is a google search of "Brian Orr Gloucester Birth Control- SO MANY LINKS.

NATIONAL MEDIA WHORES GO AWAY AND LET THE ISSUE BE SOLVED WITHOUT YOUR IGNORANT AND CORRUPTING INFLUENCE

Mr Bill- fuck it - O'reilly himself asked doctor orr to be on his show tomorrow, but my dad told him to fuck himself because he knew that oreilly would turn the debate into a senseless and ill informed shouting match that would be geared towards ratings rather than staying true to the real issues and the facts that no one seems to care to get right. plus my dad has never been on national tv before so he probably would have looked like an idiot despite rocking the bald head to the max.

AS YOU CAN TELL I AM DISHEARTENED AND I AM INFURIATED BY THIS FIRST-HAND EXPERIENCE IN WILLFUL PUBLIC STUPIDITY
and also capital letters are helpful for retarding rage


scroll down more for new stuff- blog has been mad busy lately and b lee threw on some cool videos and i posted a bunch of good songs for you to peep.
this is drunk and tired smears, signing out

This guy LOVES cars

Jim in 20 years

so he treats the cars as if they are his girlfriend, writing poetry about cars and singing to them and hugging them. Not only does he date cars, but he is a PLAYAAA, owning three other cars and sometimes hooking up with cars at showrooms. i do not want to get into the logistics of what "hooking up" with a car entails (well no, i do. my best guess is tail pipe or gas pump but maybe he just humps the shit out of the bumper), but i am assuming it is a terrible terrible thing to witness. one question- does this make the movie Herbie Fully Loaded kiddie porn for this guy? if so, please arrest him. and if not, please arrest him.

Science is whack (and awful pun's are great!)

This is a pretty hilarious science experiment.



wow! look at those sweet poses and his super-cool gelled hair (pause with 5:04 left to get the full effect of his awesomeness)! they obviously picked this guy because he is the epitome of manliness, or maybe they too just wanted to smack him in the balls so they created an experiment to validate it.

seriously, i do not know why on earth the guy signed up for this. i cannot think of any price at which i would allow someone to shoot a tennis ball directly into my manhood. i bet it sure would be zany and entertaining if someone bartered with me until i gave in. great balls of fire! get FOX on the phone, i have found them their next big hit-we shall call it Money Lust Ball Bust and it will air between Don't Forget the Lyrics and The Moment of Truth.

on a side note: OH MY GOD THOSE ARE REAL SHOWS

A few things of interest

monroe took some time out of his busy schedule of chopping trees and cutting off fish heads to share with us this wonderful article (how did canadians find out about computers??? this is bull!):

Oh, the innocence of youth (and hookers)

the kids' alibi was that they won a world of warcraft tournament. i do not know how such a tournament works, so i am assuming the skeezy security guard at the crappy motel you brought hookers to would not either. also, it does not matter where you got the money, the fact remains that YOU ARE 13 and therefore NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE HOOKERS. This is america, not las vegas.

Let's be honest though, I think verc jim and bryce and i would end up doing the same thing if we suddenly had thousands of dollars.
"we could go to the carribean! or buy the carribean!"
"Orrrr we could play halo! new maps and it's double exp weekend"

hookers have to put up with so much shit, dealing with drunk/drugged up assholes, absolute creeps who may or may not choose to kill them, and politicians all in the same night , but i truly think the one thing that they could not handle would be being forced to watch halo. most girls see halo and react the way i would if i was forced to watch that new sex in the city movie, meaning they say "fuck this" and leave.
Men and women! They're so different! One likes video games, the other likes movies! It's crazy!

even though his hookers and xbox got taken away, don't feel bad for the kid. his dad's taking him to disneyworld to make up for it, presumably to see if they can pay cinderella for sex and halo.

also, here's a few hilarious videos. many of you have seen these but none of you will make it through both without laughing





ps that shoe lifts advertisement at the end is so random. seriously world, leave me alone, i am comfortable with my height.

This is what I imagine the Internet's throw up looks like:

I can't tell if I like this or hate it so very much:



some sample words of wisdom from the always brilliant youtube comments section:

SilverGuardX (1 month ago)- the second cake is a dalek

ME- who the fuck cares? are you proud that you know this fact? It's even worse that someone responded to this "no shit shirlock," as if SilverGuardX's comment is unnecessary not because of how pretentious it is but because it's pointing out the obvious.

Danyukhin (1 month ago) - The cat is a lie. And it was just cut. I told them to wait for you but they didn't listen...

ME- what the hell does that even mean??? this does not make sense in response to any video ever made. or perhaps this is poetry too deep for me to ever comprehend.

mollycoopoooo (2 months ago)- I like pi!!! yea! Happy 3.14!

ME- jesus christ. excessive exclamation points? yup. terrible math joke? yeah, there's that too. at least people probably made fun of this person for such a terrible comment, right? nope- it has +3 thumbs up. GODDAMN YOU INTERNET

JTam, facebook creep extraordinaire, brings you a breaking news story

Check this out before facebook fixes the glitch (unless they did it on purpose)

If you go to facebook and click in the "search" tab and just press the down arrow key (on your keyboard...) instead of typing anything in, a list of 5 names appears, presumably the 5 people who view your page the most (presumably to ogle at your pictures or memorize your interests and wall-to-walls for use in future conversations). It only includes these 5 people, so it seems like this is something done on purpose and that these names have been selected for a reason. It's reasonable to conclude that these names are either the top 5 you search or the top 5 that search for you, and the latter made more sense to me when I tested this out and found my 5. my top five ill keep confidential, but they are reasonable choices (I will admit that James, you are my number one and I don't know whether to be embarrassed or proud about this. Also, Casey Bartlett= #2 and Mary Curtin= #4)

if this really works, this is a goddamn wet dream come true for the hordes of facebook creeps out there (CHRIS VERC I'M LOOKING AT YOU)

check it out and let us know in the comments whether it worked for you and made sense. who are your top 5 stalkers?

(thanks to Julia for the heads up)

UPDATE:
Unfortunately for all of you hoping to discover any secret crushes and fortunately for those who abuse facebook to creep on hot strangers, it seems that facebook has disabled this feature. I understand why though, since facebook makes its money by allowing people to be anonymous and unchatchable stalkers, so the number of people using facebook would immediately dwindle once people realized their efforts could be traced as users would go back to their telescopes and hiding spots in bushes outside of people's houses instead. It's amazing how fast that feature was shut down though, within literally an hour of when I posted about it, so I think this has now finally proven that Mark Z is a very talented stalker himself. Oh well, it was fun for us who siezed the chance to finally prove that capozzi shamelessly memorizes every aspect of our facebooks.

UPDATE #2:

As Julia diligently reported in the comments section (see her wonderful analysis for more details), all you have to do is press space bar and THEN the down button and the five still come up.  stalkers commence thine fine artistry!

Julez Tamzies is lol

James took it upon himself to publicly call out Julia for liking Lolz Catz.  Notice how "oranges" is spelled so delightfully wrong that the photo could actually make its way onto http://icanhascheezburger.com/ (I refuse to link to this site- this way I cannot be held responsible if you choose to copy and paste and then proceed to commit "sooizide")

We have already let Julia Tam get away with saying "obs" and "maz" in everyday life, so we must stop her transformation into a lolz cat afficionato immediately or she will be saying LOLZ before we know it.  James you have done a commendable thing, and hopefully we can get her into rehab immediately.

On a related note:

Julia is holding two oranges in that picture.... coincidence?

Weekly Pat Smear #1

So the weekly pat smear is where I find something on the internet that blatantly has no right to exist and then post it for you to "enjoy" (although there is probably enough terrible terrible material on the web for a post every hour).  Here is the first installment (it's not 2 girls 1 cup i promise):

Batman sings latin sing-along: Dear Lord

If you watch that 10 times, your brain will explode. on the plus side, that means you don't have to worry about final exams, or the looming oil crisis, or the terrible truth that such a creation exists, or the fact that our president has watched this video on a loop for the last 20 years. in fact, maybe i will just sit back and let the retardation process work its magic...

original: